When I was kid, I remember hearing older people saying, “There’s taught sense and bought sense in life. You can listen to what I’m telling you now or you can go on and learn it on your own. Let me know how it turns out for you.” Fast forwarding to the future, it didn’t take long to recall the wisdom that was being passed down to me from my parents, teachers, mentors and older people. It was the type of info I needed to comprehend but didn’t think it was important. They were right as I lived the life of a foolish person unwilling to listen. Now that I’m older, I find myself passing down the same life lessons to my own family and circle of friends. The circle of life is truly amazing. If only we would listen the first time and take heed to the advice we were given. Well, thank God for second chances that gives us the gracious opportunity to rebound from our setbacks. Let’s explore 3 phases we go through unknowingly when rebounding. Hopefully we get a chance to identify where we are on our journey and return back to pursuing our dreams, goals and moving towards self-improvement.
Phase 1: Shaking My Head in Disbelief and Uncertainty
The first emotion one may feel when devastated by their bad news is shock, disbelief, and uncertainty. Shocking bad news because of a bad decision I made, loss of a friendship, financial debt, or health issues due to unhealthy eating and drinking habits are the things we tend to do to ourselves. This phase one requires us to take full responsibility of our actions. Like being in a deep hole in the ground, we have to go through this process without blaming anyone or anything to climb our way out. During this phase, we need to reflect on how did I get into this situation and explore what am I going to do to recover from it? It’s the same approach we take after a car accident or someone breaking into our home. Instead of blaming, we reflect and explore ways to prevent it from happening again. Moving ourselves from phase one is part of the rebounding process. Once it becomes clear in the mind, the next step is to act on the plan.
Phase 2: Regaining My Strength and Balance
Phase two is where we are ready to share with a trusted person who can help us process our thoughts, validate our thinking and/or guide us to a better place in the head. Talking it through is beneficial because we get a chance to hear ourselves talk it out loud. During the talks, we should be challenged to think. Phase two takes us further away from phase one because phase two involves hope in comparison to phase one where we were in disbelief. For some, it may require some long-term counseling or therapy. Like a broken muscle tissue requiring physical therapy, phase two is also a place where we practice using the tools introduced and apply them to regain our strength and balance. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to add spiritual counseling to get the ultimate balance on life. Memorizing scriptures and putting them into practice builds the spiritual self-esteem. It’s something to consider when reaching out for help. Reviewing and rehearsing what we have learned to the point of it becoming muscle memory is key to regaining our stability. This work will place us into a state of confidence and assuredness that we can move forward without fear. Phase two is truly an important phase because it requires hands on work. No work, no growth.
Phase 3: Maintenance and Helping Others
Phase three is the outgrowth of the work done in phase two. This is where we are ready to move on. Our mind is clear. Our pathway is clear. We are aware of what we need to do and recognize we can continue to grow so long as we are practicing the tools acquired in phase two. A part of phase three is exercising, resting the mind and body, clean eating and building up a network of supportive friends who are willing to continue to encourage us and hold us accountable. Life is just beginning and the one thing we don’t want to do is repeat the mistakes that placed us into phase one. That being said, everything we do at this point is about maintenance. Stay focused, avoid distractions, and continue to grow by helping others. Remember there’s taught sense and bought sense. Do the right things, the right way and chances are I will be better for it.
In closing, it would not be a bad idea to become familiar with the stages of grief. The information found in the stages of grief tends to focus on issues like divorce, death, and various levels of emotional pain. The more one learns the clearer it becomes we are not alone. Rebounding from setbacks is the beginning of getting back to where we were, only this time it is better because of the knowledge accumulated. Now I can pursue my dreams, goals and move towards self-improvement.